....a gypsy soul who feels too deeply....

Okay here we go with some riddles and mind benders for you.  You will read this and have no idea what the hell I am talking about... but that is okay.  It is my blog, journal, my way to vent to everyone and no one.  My way to "feel" my way through it, if you will...

I went to see my spiritual guru yesterday and I had the validation I needed for the things I have going on in my life.  The things I knew and the answers I needed.  Problem being is this...  with what I know and what I have had - well taking three steps back in a situation only tends to set me off.  My emotions get erratic, I feel hurt and lonely and I blow up.  I react in my hurt to hurt you back.  Maybe that is not the right way but it is only human...  The rule of thumb is this - you cannot push a situation or influence a choice else you take on the karma for the other people involved.  grrr... I know that only makes sense to about two of you out there. 

See I've made my choices.  I know who I love, who I will and would do anything for.  The one I want and hope to spend the rest of my tomorrow's with.  My choices have been made.  I will be leaving to a new home in a few weeks, a couple of months, hell, a few months...  whatever the time frame.  It will happen.   So I have to prepare myself for the choices the other people make in the situation.  Protect myself in case.   Just seems I am the only one in the situation actually hurting so I need to distance myself.  Does that make sense?  Self preservation cause God and Goddesses know I cannot do it like this.  I can't.  I could have if the dynamics had not changed over the last couple of months and I had not had so much time and closeness with him. 

It hurts too much to be this involved and fuck me... this is surreal.  But the choices of others are not the choices of mine.  I have done, said, and prayed all I can for the situation.  We have been given the opportunity to be beyond the chaos.  There are ways around everything  but you have to want that way - a way out.  You have to find it and you will if you are looking.  You can sit and wait on people or things.  Just not feasible in my mind.  Action gets things done, not waiting.  Maybe I ask too much or maybe not enough... anyway.

So I applied to a Metaphysical shop today.  Very cool.  It would keep me very busy and I would be on the right path, finally.  I believe I will get the job and I pray that I do.  I need it.  Being with like minded people, growing my gifts and sharing them as well.  I need it.   So send some positive thoughts to the situation my way and I will keep you posted. 

Til tomorrow, or today ;)
xoxo
~ V ~